Someone complained to me once that there is nothing to do in Dallas. Hmmm … the sprawling, metropolis that is Dallas, without a thing to do? And then it hit me, the quote I learned years before, “Geography changes nothing.”
Wherever you go, your attitude goes with you. You can’t move away from you. Either you look around and see possibilities, or you see dead end roads. Your attitude shapes everything in your life. Negative attitudes keep you stuck or blind you to the opportunities that exist all around you.
Negative attitudes impact …
Happiness. Some people look at their days—or even life—as something to get through rather than embrace. Some neglect thinking about their personal happiness at all, just plodding along. Others are stuck being victims, using their energy to be angry at an external source, rather than using their energy to design a fulfilling life. While it might be easier to be angry at someone than change your life, it’s unproductive. There are all sorts of ways to get happier with a shift of attitude. Living with gratitude is a great place to start. Noticing everything you are thankful for, appreciate and enjoy can help you live with gratitude. Making a list of things that bring you joy (and asking yourself how often you do those things) is another. Or try answering the question: If I was perfectly happy, what would my life look like? Then list the steps that can get you there. Make sure you hold yourself responsible for your own happiness.
Jobs. There are people who hate their jobs, hate Mondays, can’t wait for the weekend, and spend a lot of time complaining about their jobs. But they don’t take any step to change their situation. Now might not be the time to quit a job without one in the wings, but griping fulltime won’t get you anywhere. Life isn’t meant to be endured from 9 to 5. Your actions can change things. Brainstorm a game plan. Look at things a different way. List your unique strengths and abilities and consider how you could create a job, business or entrepreneurial endeavor for yourself. Start with your own contact list to find opportunities. Realize that you alone can completely change your situation with resourcefulness and the right attitude.
Relationships. I could write a year’s worth of blogs about the bumps along my road to meet Mr. Right, but I found him when I stepped away from dating, got clear about what I wanted (even making a list) and got content living alone. Your attitude can’t be one of defeat or lacking. You have to be right with your relationship with yourself before you ever can be right with someone else. Oh, and you have to leave your house. I’ve met people who want to meet Mr. Right but then only live in two places—work and home. Waiting for him to materialize at your doorstep isn’t a good plan.
There’s a common denominator if the same problems or limitations keep showing up in your life … it’s you. Life only stays the same if you do. Everything you want is in front of you, but only if you see it.
If you want things to change, you have to do more than change the land under your feet. You have to get out of your way, open your eyes and take a good hard look at the person in the mirror. And as Deepak Chopra says, “You must become consciously aware that your future is generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life.”
Posted on January 1, 2012 in Relationships by Sandra Bienkowski
healthy relationships, keep your power
Too many women give up their power.
I know because I used to be one of them. You want to meet THE ONE. You secretly want your life to emulate a romance movie—minus the drama. You want the ideal relationship so much, you see dream man when he isn’t really there. Or you wait for him to magically turn into Mr. Romance, ignoring that little voice in your head that whispers—This isn’t right. Maybe, like me, you idealize the person you are dating, using your creative brain to give him positive attributes he doesn’t actually possess.
So, you do what any rational person does. You tell girlfriends, “This is it. He’s the one.” Later, when you think back on that declaration, it’s downright cringe worthy.
If you feel like a private investigator piecing together evidence that the man you are in a relationship with is really into you, you have given up your power. It’s like handing your fate over to someone else. You should be asking, Am I into him? Why give the power to a man to play judge and jury while you play lawyer, making your case? What you think, want and feel counts. And it should matter more to you than what someone else thinks of you.
If the person you are in a relationship with is really into you, it won’t be a mystery. You won’t have to figure it out. Authentic relationships—-those that have a shot at going the distance–mean two people openly communicate their desires.
If you silently carry around a wish for your relationship and never give it words, you are surrendering your power. Don’t you deserve to have exactly what you want?
Power means realizing you are more important than any relationship. It means being strong enough to ask for what you want and believing you deserve it. Keeping your power means if you are settling for less than what you want or not getting what you want at all–you should walk. While you may lose a relationship, you will gain a more important relationship with yourself.
Take back your power by giving yourself a voice.
