Why You Should Leave One Thing Unsaid a Day

Posted on December 18, 2014 in Relationships by Sandra Bienkowski


My husband and I have one rule we follow that makes our marriage more blissful. We leave one thing unsaid each day. This simple act can prevent minor irritations from escalating. This one rule can be a peacekeeper.

I’m not exactly a leave anything unsaid person, so it takes work. I have to catch myself and silence my mouth. While I am not exactly a wilting flower, my husband has a strong personality. He also has a compulsion for neatness, so when he dumps my coffee out to put my mug in the dishwasher before I’m even finished with it, I really want to say something.

But I don’t. Quietly, I think: This is what I will leave unsaid today. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

And life clicks along happily.

This one simple act of leaving something unsaid has taught me a few things:

We can leave one thing unsaid with everyone in our lives to keep the peace—from coworkers to our relatives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe we teach people how to treat us so I’m not advising anyone to become a doormat. Just don’t go there when you really don’t need to go there. Let some things go.

We don’t have to give voice to an irritated mood or moment. I used to think I was being authentic when I expressed every emotion I had. It didn’t occur to me that I could have an emotion and choose not to react. It’s empowering to know we can rise above temporary emotions. You get to choose how you react and that often determines your mood and day.

Leaving one thing unsaid lets you quickly filter things through what’s really important. Wouldn’t you rather feel in sync with your spouse than squabble about a cup of coffee?

Not everything has to be a conversation. This is a tough one for over-analyzer me, but not everything has to be expressed, dissected or discussed.

Sometimes I get really crazy and leave more than one thing unsaid a day. I am sure my husband does too.

Sandra Bienkowski

A few words about me
Sandra Bienkowski

Sandra Bienkowski is a nationally published writer and a fun enthusiast, believing every minute of every day is an opportunity to live your best life.

One Comment for this entry
Carol Meylan, LCSW
February 17, 2015

Well said. This technique may initially be difficult for a person who likes to process out loud, yet with practice, leaving “one thing unsaid” will lead to greater harmony in a relationship.

Thanks for expressing this.



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