What You Don’t Know About My Husband

Posted on March 16, 2013 in Fulfillment by Sandra Bienkowski

I always tell my husband I am lucky because most men aren’t like him. He laughs. I tell him he should hold seminars for other men on how to be better spouses, or just better men. He laughs more. He thinks I am just flattering him.

I base my (admittedly biased) opinion on some of my own dating history, and on those common complaints I hear from other women. Having dated a frog or two before dating my husband, I know what the other side looks like.

There was the boyfriend who lounges for hours in front of NASCAR in his tube socks. The same boyfriend who thinks Red Lobster and a movie is an exciting date night—every week. Then there’s the controlling boyfriend who didn’t want me to have any male friends. One time he sent me roses to work without a card to see if I thanked him, in some bizarre test to see if I was cheating on him. Or the guy who pretended I was about to fall when we went rappelling for the first time because he thought he was funny … you know, as I pushed off over a blind edge, 40 feet up.

Let’s just say I have some case studies in my dating file for comparison and my husband wins. Maybe my husband will believe his awesomeness if he reviews a common list of complaints from women about their spouses, and how none of these grievances apply to him.

unfair distribution of household duties
an imbalance in who cares for the kids
an inability to fix anything
a lack of romance
incurable cheapness
drinking to excess
disinterest in exercise
a preoccupation with sports to the exclusion of other fun things
a lack of sensitivity or selfishness
an inability to plan anything
a lack of desire to leave the house and do things
a temper

Maybe this blog will convince him that he’s a rare breed of husband. Or maybe it will let him know how much I value him.

Every day he does little things to make my day better. In numerous small ways, he silently shows me he is thinking about me. Sometimes I think he’s a magician. Wherever I show up, he’s already been there. I go to make coffee and he’s already made it for me. I go to shower and my bath towel is out. I run an errand and I notice my car is filled with gas. He never goes through a day only considering himself. Whether he is opening my car door or never forgetting to kiss me goodbye when he leaves the house—all of his small acts add up big in my book.

He loves his mother. Not only does he love his mother, but he does things for her without her needing to ask. She calls him her #1 son … jokingly as he’s her only son. I know many men love their mothers, but he respects her immensely, and always wants to hear more stories about her life.

He doesn’t talk badly about people. I aspire to be like my husband in this regard, but when someone really rubs me the wrong way, I gotta talk about it. I have to vent to process and let go. He just doesn’t go there. He rarely gets rattled. He always sees the best in people and instead of being reactive, he’s compassionate. I often wonder if people know that who he is in front of people, is exactly who he is when they aren’t around. He’s congruent to the core.

He loves to get on the board as we say. It’s like we both have a compulsion to see how much we can get accomplished in a day—every day. It enhances our relationship because we are constantly pushing forward together to rapidly fill our lives with experiences. It applies to work and household maintenance stuff, but a huge effort is put forth to add fun and fulfillment to our calendars. I love it because we always have so much to look forward to … trips, family gatherings, new restaurants, spa excursions, the symphony, concerts, festivals, 5k and half marathon races … I am filled with gratitude to be married to someone who wants to fill our lives with adventure and new experiences.

He talks to me. This one may sound funny, but when we took our marriage vows and he had to promise to listen to me, I think I heard laughter or some chuckles coming from our wedding guests. He’s the most frequent recipient of my chattiness, and I have empathy for him in this regard. Let’s just say I know my weaknesses. As dorky as it may sound, we probably have weekly discussions on how to make our already great relationship better. Even though he is more of a quiet mental processer, I love that he always keeps the communication door open for me.

The way I feel about my husband is like the moving scene in the movie As Good As it Gets where Jack Nicholson’s character is in love with Helen Hunt and finally tells her in an authentic way. Stealing his quote and making it apply to my husband:

”I might be the only person on the face of the earth who knows you’re the greatest man on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, every thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that’s all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you and never get that they just met the greatest man alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.”

Put simply, I really love my husband. And he really should teach classes to other men.

Sandra Bienkowski

A few words about me
Sandra Bienkowski

Sandra Bienkowski is a nationally published writer and a fun enthusiast, believing every minute of every day is an opportunity to live your best life.


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