You Gotta Love Love

Posted on February 13, 2014 in love, Relationships by Sandra Bienkowski

When did it become so popular to dislike Valentine’s Day? Judging from my Facebook newsfeed, Valentine’s Day needs some Likes. Some vent about “the forced holiday.” Others are bugged by the commercialism. I gather some people don’t like Valentine’s Day because it’s shines a light on the status of their relationship, and they aren’t so happy with the status. Of course, it might help if retailers didn’t put up the red, white and pink gifts at the same time the Christmas stuff comes down.

On a more heart-shaped note, I like Valentine’s Day. I view this holiday as a reminder to love, love. Plus, it’s a good excuse to drink champagne!

So in the spirit of the day, I want to share some love with you.

I don’t need Valentine’s to remember to love or appreciate my husband. He makes it easy to love him, and I am thankful for him daily. But there are three things I credit for the awesome quality of our relationship—three things I think all couples could benefit from.

1. Read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Put simply, when you know your partner’s love language, you can speak it. What I find so fascinating is that we often express our own love language to our significant other instead of their love language. Mine is Quality Time. I gotta have my Reed time to feel the love. His love language is Acts of Service. Reed’s impulse might be to do lots of little things for me all the time—like refilling my water bottle or making my coffee in the morning. But that’s his love language, not mine. While I appreciate those little things, I feel most loved when he ventures out of his man cave (his office) to spend time with me (quality time!). He feels most loved when I do the little things … like make his lunch or organize our activities. So check out the book and find out your love language and the language of your significant other. (By the way, the five love languages are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts and Words of Affirmation.)

2. Find out your DISC model of personality and your partner’s type too. Everyone has a primary type and a secondary type. You can take the test online. The types are explained below, but here’s the gist. My hubby is a D/C and I am an I/D. We share the “D” dominant side of our personalities, so we are both task-oriented and we love to get things done. We diverge (big time) on the other aspects of our personalities. He is detailed and precise. I am a creative type and focused on fun. Ever since we took this test and talked about it, we understand each other so much more. No longer do I wonder why he asks me so many detailed questions or why he’s compelled to be so orderly about things. He now gets why I start three different conversations at once and why it looks like a tornado hit when I’m in the kitchen. Taking the test is a great reminder that you can’t expect your partner to be like, think like or act like you do … and that’s okay!

Here’s a short explanation of the DISC model below …

The Dominant “D” type – An outgoing, task-oriented individual will be focused on getting things done, accomplishing tasks, getting to the bottom line as quickly as possible and MAKING IT HAPPEN! (The key insight in developing a relationship with this type person is RESPECT and RESULTS.)

The Inspiring “I” type – An outgoing, people-oriented individual loves to interact, socialize and have fun. This person is focused on what others may think of him or her. (The key insight in developing a relationship with this type person is ADMIRATION and RECOGNITION.)

The Supportive “S” type – A reserved, people-oriented individual will enjoy relationships, helping or supporting other people and working together as a team. (The key insight in developing a relationship with this person is FRIENDLINESS and SINCERE APPRECIATION.)

The Cautious “C” type – A reserved, task-oriented individual will seek value, consistency and quality information. This person focuses on being correct and accurate. (The key insight in developing a relationship with this individual is TRUST and INTEGRITY.)

3. Take the best relationship advice I’ve ever heard: Leave one thing unsaid every day. I love this little tip and I use it often. Does it drive me bonkers that my super-detailed husband reorganizes the dishwasher after I’ve loaded it? Yup. Do I really need to say anything about it? Nope. Trust me, he uses this tip with me too. Does it drive him crazy that I’m always looking for where I left my iPhone and glasses? Yup! Does he need to say anything about it? Nope! Not saying anything leaves little things little. It keeps the peace. It’s mature. It’s making decisions with your head and not temporary emotions. Leaving something unsaid every day makes you feel empowered because you are choosing the quality of your relationship over a fleeting annoyance or minor grievance.

Oh, and if you missed it, take a few minutes and read this blog about why I love my husband to pieces.

Cheers to LOVE!

Sandra Bienkowski

A few words about me
Sandra Bienkowski

Sandra Bienkowski is a nationally published writer and a fun enthusiast, believing every minute of every day is an opportunity to live your best life.


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